Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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