I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
