My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
