best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's blow job season.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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