Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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