dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
