i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
