Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
