im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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