I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
