I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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