If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize