I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
sex in a hospital.. check
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
