I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
