____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
