Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
