ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i think my mom watched the whole time
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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