It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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