woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
