The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
