i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
