What did we do last night that was yellow?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
