mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
