he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
