the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
