There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
