can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
