i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
