Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
