I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
They have beer where we have blood.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
