no you cant smoke seaweed
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
