I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
