R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
