She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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