So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
