I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
