So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
