there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
