I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
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