I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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