You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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