Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
