You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
