I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
