When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
