is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
