Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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