so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
