This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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