why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
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he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
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I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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