What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
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The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
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Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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