she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
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