I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
