the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
