His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My dad just said "fuck circus"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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