Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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