please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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