So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
