CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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