i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
