And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
