plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
