Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
