I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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