Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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