If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
