I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
