you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
