Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
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Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
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you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.