I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
i black out too much to be "responsible"