I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.