Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.