did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
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Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
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Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.