I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
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that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.