i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?